The City

I want to go into a city that isn't occupied by any living being. I want to look into the night sky and see the stars clearly without any lights to make them fade out. I want to walk the streets and hear to echo of my shoes. I want to look up at the sky scrappers. I want to feel the calm breeze running through the ally ways. I want to be alone. I don't want noise anymore. I want complete silence. Too much noise causes misunderstanding. I want the stars to be engulfed by clouds. I want to be soaked to the bone in cold rain. I want to feel the cold run down my back. I want to feel peace. There is too much going on. Too much nonsense. Too much of being pulled into situations I don't want to be in. I want to be left alone. I want to walk this city alone. I can fend for myself. I can find shelter on my own. I want to walk in a city where there is no noise.

Tired

It's weird that I live away from home. I miss my family. I miss my home. I miss my city. I want to go home. I would kill someone to come home. I can't come home, though. I need to do this for my parents. I need to do this for my future. I need to do this for everything that is me. I love my family, they will always be there for me, but it is awful being so far away. I need to grow up. I need to live my life, and grow up. I have to do this anyways. No matter what, I will have to go through this, and I have to do it now. I don't feel like I belong here. I don't feel like people like me here. I just want to be in a place with people like me. These people don't relate to me. These people make me feel uncomfortable. I've only been here a day, and already there have been parties, and i've been so uncomfortable. I'll be okay. I know what I have to do. It's going to be okay. I just need to calm down and relax. Everything will be okay. I just need to keep telling myself, everything will be okay. I wish I was five again.

"All the things one has forgotten scream for help in dreams."

I want all the people in my dreams that are positive and give me a sense of hope and happiness, to come alive. I want to meet those people and I want to thrive off their energy. I yearn for that positive feeling. I yearn for that love from that one guy in my dream. I strive for that conversation, that embrace from my brother. I set my goals for that cool apartment with the brick walls I lived in, in San Fransisco. I want to be in my dreams. Those people, those places, those feelings, they're everything I want in life. The quote above is true. That one thing that you used to crave for, will always come out in your dreams. I want to keep that person, I want to keep those feelings, but once you wake up, those feelings aren't there. It's a sad and awful thing to wake up to.

"You get what you put in. People get what they deserve, And in the end all you are is what you were"

The White Room

Lately, I have been thinking about a dream I had many years ago. I don't remember all of it, just this one building, or massive room. I remember that it was about my uncle. My uncle is a physicist, and I think I was going to visit his lab. As a little kid, I guess this is what my subconscious thought these labs looked like. Some how, I went up an escalator, or stairs to this floor. While going on this escalator, or stairs, the walls were completely white. In fact, there weren't any walls. Everything was just pure white. When I got to the top, I was on white floors. You have to understand that the floors weren't like tile floors, they were just white floors with no patter...just pure white floors with no cracks or anything, completely smooth. The walls, if there were some, were so far away, that you couldn't see them. It was like the room was never ending. The ceiling was a bit high, but you knew there was a ceiling because there were pillars about 50 yards away from each other. The pillars were white, same as the rest of the never ending room. I stood there for what felt like hours, and watched the room. The elscalator, or stairs disappered underneath me, and I was just alone in this room. I would look every where. Look in circles, and this room was just a never ending, empty room. Except for the pillars. You would follow the pillars all the way down the room, and it seemed as if they would go on forever, but in the back of my mind, I knew the room ended. I stood in this room, and then it seemed as if the room filled with things, and before I could catch what they were, they would disappear. The room would fill with blackness for a split of a second, then go back to pure white. I would see glimpses of people flash by me. People talking to each other, people day dreaming and standing alone, and then it would go back to white. I would walk down this white room, and more things would flash by. I remember a big circular machine in the middle of the room. I think it was something that I thought my uncle was working on. Oddly enough, it seemed as if equations and atoms would fly by, but then disappear again and then i, would be back in the white room, alone. I would wait, and pictures would shoot by. I would walk, down this room, and I would never make it to the end. I knew the room ended, so I was persistent on walking till the end. I walked for a while longer, then all of a sudden, my dream shifted. I was finally out of the room, but I don't remember where. I remember the white room. I remember the people walking by then disappearing. I remember the room feeling like it was a train station,people bustling by, then it goes back to a white, sterile, room. I just remember that room. It's horribly insane, but I wish I could go back to that room, go back to that dream. It was fascinating. I wish this place were real. It was something that I will forever remember, and the fact that I dreamed this when I was twelve, and it flashed back into my mind, hopefully means that I will find this place. I really wish this place were real.