Confucius

I think there are a lot of things that make me happy. There are a lot of things that cause me to feel good, but then, at the back of my mind, there is always that feeling of knowing I'm alone. I have my friends, I have my family, but I don't have that relation with another person. Yes, I mean a boyfriend. I know it's stupid to write about guys, but this is one of the first times where I'll be open about it, because I don't know what to do about them anymore. They are more confusing then anything in the whole world. The know how to make you feel so wonderful, but they also make you feel more horrible then you did before. I have many guy friends, all of them are wonderful, but I could never see myself falling for them. I have the guy down the hall that matches me in style, music taste, body type, etc. He's absolutely the perfect guy, my type, he just fits well with me. Personality wise, he matches me where he's outgoing and fun, but he's also a compulsive liar. He made me feel like he wanted me, and those nights we talked and lied together on his bed made me feel it was going somewhere, especially when it got more cuddly. He said the write words to reel me in, and then, he let me go just like that. For some reason, no matter what he does, I can't let go. I've gotten to the point where I just gave up, but then, he started to try more. Or it seemed like it. See, what his roommates say, he's a liar, and he doesn't show what he feels to anyone, and doesn't talk about anything personal with anyone. Oh....he knew how to reel me in. Writing this, it brings back a lot of what he said and did. Anyways, his roommates believe that he likes me because he shows the signs of him being interested, according to them. I don't want to get my hopes up. I can tell something is going on with him too. Ashley sees it too. I don't know what he's doing. I'm more confused then ever. thought that I would get over it quickly, but I haven't been able to. I don't know what to do. He's an ass, and I don't know how to get him to tell me what's going on. I have no one to talk to, to get any information out of him about it. I'm confused more then I have ever been with a boy. I know I should let this all go, and not deal with it, but he's so similar to me, I don't want to. I like being in his apartment, because my friends live there too, but he lives there. I can't just stop going there because my friends are there, but I can't stop going there, because I like to see him. I'm confused...so confused. No, I know he does, but he can't admit it. He doesn't want to. He's a shallow ass, but he likes me, but he wants to seem cool to his friends. I think that the only way to know is to talk to him..but even then I don't know what to expect. I'm tired of this. I don't know what to do anymore. I think I'm going to stick with going over there to hang out with his roommates, and just drink our coffee's and smoke cigarettes. I don't want to let him bother me anymore. He can just do his own thing, and I'll just do my own thing. But, I know it's going to bother me. I just have to learn to deal with it. One day, I won't have to deal with these things anymore, but for now, it's learning how to become stronger when situations don't go as planned. It won't be like this forever.